Friday, December 18, 2009

Favorite CD's of 2009

It seems as if everyone is posting a list of the best CD's of 2009. Guess I should as well. The list below may not be the "best" CDs of 2009. They are simply, of the CD's I heard this year, my favorite. I haven't heard most of what was released this year - so I welcome any suggestions you might have.

I'm only listing albums by artists/groups with new music. Thus some of my favorite albums don't count. Dark Was the Night and the soundtrack for (500) Days of Summer are great. So is Iron and Wine's Around the Well. While you should check those out they do not meet the criteria for this list.

All of these discs were released in 2009 - and they are the CD's I'll likely still be playing in 2010. These are listed as I think of them - thus in no particular order. Since I don't get albums for free and so have to buy all my music most of what I bought I liked. However, not all of what I bought I liked. The list are albums I'll still be listening to in 2010.

Andrew Bird - Noble Beast
The Mountain Goats - The Life of the World to Come
Regina Spektor - Far
Neko Case - Middle Cyclone
Volcano Choir - Unmap
Monsters of Folk - Monsters of Folk
M. Ward - Hold Time
Grizzly Bear - Veckatimest
Decemberists - Hazards of Love
David Bazan - Curse Your Branches
Avett Brothers - I and Love and You
Au Revoir Simone - Still Night, Still Light

I think that's it for now. They are all great albums. Best books I've read (not necessarily published) in 2009 are coming soon.

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Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A Parable (Rough Draft)

I would love feedback in this if you are willing to give it...


A certain man as he was shopping for Christmas presents one afternoon a few days before Thanksgiving met another man who was poor, sick and had no where to go to spend the holiday. Thinking back to what he had been taught growing up he decided that he would invite the man to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with his family, and if he enjoyed it New Years as well. He invited the man and the man said yes, excited to have been asked and he went away happy.
The other man finished his shopping and returned home to tell his family of the experience and let them know of the guest that would be sharing in their holiday experiences. Everyone was excited and began to prepare for the visit. What should we eat? How can we make this fun for this man? How can we make him feel welcome and make sure he wants to come back next year? And all sorts of other question began to come to mind. Preparations were made and the day was drawing near. They were excited because this was the first time they had a guest that was not a member of their family they had specifically invited, and one for whose visit they had planned.
The man who had been invited was likewise planning and thinking. I wonder what they will think of me? I wonder what they will do? I hope it is alright if I wear these clothes, I do not have anything really nice. He was very excited to be introduced to something he had not experienced in a long time. He remembered back to his childhood and the wonderful time his family had during the holidays, but that was a long time ago and it was a painful memory. For the past Thanksgivings he had eaten the little he could afford at whatever open restaurant he could find. Now he was going to have a real Thanksgiving, and get to eat as much as he wanted. Then Christmas would come and he would get to sing Christmas songs with a family, something he had never had a chance to do. He could not wait.
Finally the day arrived. The family got up early to prepare their house for their guest. They were not sure what he was expecting, and they were not sure if he would be comfortable with the long standing traditions that their family had been doing for years. They knew that he would not be dressed in fine clothes, so they decided to forego the usual dress of khaki pants and sweaters in favor of jeans and sweatshirts. Finally the house was ready and they waited on him to show up.
He arrived dressed in the best clothes he had. As he walked in he did not see what he expected. He thought to himself, “Why aren’t they dressed a little nicer? Why aren’t they dressed like I remember my family dressing when I was a child? Where are the Thanksgiving decorations? And where is the good music that I thought you used to set the mood? Maybe some Thanksgiving traditions have changed. At the very least I bet the food will be the same.” As he thought this the family was thinking to themselves, “He sure is dirty, I wonder why he didn’t clean up a little. I hope we are casual enough to make him feel comfortable. At least we don’t have decorations and music, because those would probably make him really uncomfortable. Let’s hope that he likes the food ok.”
The table was served, and the family and their visitor made their way to the family room where dinner was set out on paper plates and TV trays. The family had considered using their fine china and eating in the more formal living room, but that would probably make their guest uncomfortable. You can probably imagine what the guest was thinking. Then they sat down to eat. And for the next 20 minutes they ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, Coke, chips, and a chocolate chip cookie. “We can eat our full meal when our guest leaves,” they thought. “He probably wouldn’t like this heavy food.” The guest was very confused and thought to himself, “What happened to all the Thanksgiving traditions I am so used too? Where is the food? This isn’t going to nourish me. I thought if I cam hungry I would go away full, but I am still hungry.” With that the visitor dismissed himself and went away confused. The family did invite him back for Christmas however, and he accepted thinking maybe that would be what he was looking for.
When Christmas came the much the same thing happened. He showed up in he best clothes and they were in their sweat suits. There was no manger scene to be found, and even no Christmas tree. There were no gifts either. At this point he began to wonder where all the traditions he had known growing up had gone. The food this time was ham and cheese. No Christmas ham. No potatoes, rolls, or turkey. No fine wine to savor. And all the while the family thought they were doing this man a favor. “Surely he would be uncomfortable if we did things the way we always do.” Christmas ended and the man left dejected. However, he would continue to return thinking this must be the way it is everywhere now. And the family continued to cater to him, even inviting more and more people to join them.
The years passed, and the visitor moved on; he found a better job and was invited to another home to celebrate. At this home he was surprised to find the traditions he grew up with. The family was all dressed in their Christmas sweaters and nice pants. There was beautiful music playing. And the food was rich and filling; there was ham, turkey, beef, rolls, all sorts of vegetables, more desserts than ever, and wine. This is what he remembered; this is where he wanted to be. And for years he celebrated with this family, and in many ways they adopted him as their own. A holiday never passed when he was not seated at the table. He began to invite his friends and more and more people came.
Then one day he met the man who invited him to dinner so many years ago. As they talked he told his first host about the past holidays and the joy he had been experiencing. They parted ways and returned to their houses. The holidays came. The man, like always, went to celebrate a traditional holiday with his new family. The first family who invited him was alone for the first time in years and decided that they would again revive the traditions of their past since their were no visitors, but they all of a sudden realized they had forgotten those traditions, and they reverted to the sweats and the peanut butter and jelly.

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Monday, August 31, 2009

Believing in a God you don't want to believe in

Are there times when you don't want to believe because God doesn't seem to even hear your prayers?
Are there times when you don't have any defense for what you believe?
Are there times when you frankly don't give a shit about God, the church, or the gospel?
Are there times when you think it would be so much easier to reject God and go about your own plans?
Are there times when you feel most distant from God at church?
Are there times when you only go to church because you "have to"?
Are there times when you dread reading your Bible and praying?
Are there times when you would rather people not know you are a Christian?
Are there times when you are certain that it would be so much better not to believe?
Are there times when you don't want to believe but can't bring yourself not to?
Are there times when you can't explain why you believe but you still do?
Are there times when you get through life simply because you believe in a God you don't want to believe in?
Are there times when you realize that maybe this doubt may be a work of grace?

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A movie of our life

From Chris Hedges, Empire of Illusion: The End of Literacy and the Triumph of Spectacle, p. 16:

"We try and see ourselves moving through life as a camera would see us, mindful of how we hold ourselves, how we dress, what we say. We invent movies that play inside our heads. We imagine ourselves the main characters. We imagine how an audience would react to each event in the movie of our life."

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Saturday, August 29, 2009

My own personal Jesus

Bryan Stone, Evangelism After Christendom, p. 243:

On the other end of the spectrum, evangelism is oriented entirely toward the end goal of leading persons to "accept Jesus as their personal Savior"—a twentieth-century neologism that has gained almost canonical status within Protestant evangelical churches, is used increasingly within mainline denominations, as has even made its presence felt among Roman Catholics. If the reign of God is mentioned at all in this form of evangelism (and it rarely is), it is the reign of God in one's heart. This "personal relationship with Jesus" is fed and nourished by the narcissism and individualism of Western culture, so that just as I might employ a personal trainer, a personal assistant, or a personal masseuse, I can also enjoy Jesus as my personal Savior. In thus locating the meaning of salvation within the individual and in terms of a private and interior decision aimed typically at otherworldly and eternal consequences, conversion is emptied of the public, visible, and communal allegiances that participation in God's reign demands. What finally matters is not God's reign "on earth as it is in heaven" but God's reign in my heart or in heaven after earth is gone.

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Monday, July 27, 2009

You Know How it Goes...

(I am working on a blog post reflecting on the last 10 years of my life, since graduating from high school. I was reminded of this poem tonight that I wrote about 5 years ago while doing my MDiv. I would probably re-write it if I were to do it again, but I wanted to try and capture a moment from give years ago)

I turned on the TV on that September day
My son had gone for his first job interview
“Ladies and Gentlemen a plane has just crashed…”
You know how it goes...
Why God, Why did my only son have to die?

He came to my door today dressed in his finest clothes
I knew what he would say before I even opened to door
“The Secretary of the Army regrets to inform you…”
You know how it goes...
Why God, Why did my only son have to die?

The phone rang late, I guessed who it was
My son had been out
“We need you to come to downtown…”
You know how it goes...
Why God, Why did my only son have to die?

It has been nine months and the day has finally come
We have been at the hospital for hours
“We’re sorry, but…”
You know how it goes...
Why God, Why did our only son have to die?

He was my beloved Son, and he did nothing wrong
I sent him for you and you rejected him...
But He has risen again…so your son will live again
“It is finished…”
“Father forgive…”
You know how it goes...

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Saturday, July 25, 2009

Rough Thoughts on the Paradox of Belief

It's a strange irony in the life of the Christian that when things are going well - when God seems to love us most and seems "most present" that the Christian ignores God the most. In the light of grace God becomes invisible and the Christian, as she believes most in God, becomes an atheist. Put another way - presence leads to absence. However, when the darkness comes - when life is hard, prayers are unanswered, and God does not seem to love us - when God seems most distant if existent at all the Christian pays the most attention to God. In the dark the light again becomes visible. Or, absence becomes presence. So when everything in life is telling the Christian God exists we ignore God. When it seems that the atheists are right and God does not exist the Christian becomes even more a theist.

While some Christians may overcome this paradox and focus on God in the good times and in the bad, most, it seems, vacillate between a positive atheism and a negative theism. Our state of mind, our emotions, and our feelings become the basis for our relationship with God - rather than God Himself and the love He shows in Christ. But it is backwards. Just think of when you pray the most. If you are like me you pray the most when you feel the worst and believe the least. This spiritual manic depression, if you will, would seem to signal a life lived in a shallow relationship to God and to the self. The goal then should be not to let our emotional life overwhelm our spiritual life. When God appears to be smiling on us we need to remember to praise. When he seems to have turned his back, or even disappeared, we must continue to praise him with our broken hallelujahs.

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Fear and Idols

One of the reasons so many Christians do not accomplish great things for God - even more, one of the reasons so many Christians are always questioning whether they are following God's will - is because of fear. We do not fear God, but have devised fears of our own making. We are afraid of failure, of rejection, of not having the approval of those we love and respect, of being alone, of not having enough money. We fear making the wrong choice and having to return to our friends and family and tell them "I failed." We are afraid that when we try again and again we will fail again and again. I wonder if these fears are sinful; not because they are fears, but because in fearing these things we have made idols of others, of our self, of stuff, and in doing so we are turning away from God.

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Monday, July 13, 2009

Sadness of a Different Sort

I wrote this about a year and a half ago and ran across it when reading back through some of my blog tonight. Thought I would repost it.

In The Architecture of Happiness Alain de Botton offers an interesting perspective on the relationship between architecture, philosophy, psychology, ect. In one discussion on how especially beautiful things make us feel he writes...

"The more beautiful something is, the sadder we risk feeling...Our sadness won't be one of the searing kind but more like a blend of joy and melancholy; joy at the perfection we see before us, melancholy at the awareness of how seldom we are sufficiently blessed to encounter anything of its kind. The flawless object throws into perspective the mediocrity that surrounds it. We are reminded of the way we would wish things always to be and of how incomplete our lives remain."

I like this idea of sadness. The idea of a joy mixed with melancholy is illuminating, and it is where I see so many people living, and indeed where I am many days. And I wonder if it is where we will always be until Christ comes to set things right and make things the way they are supposed to be.

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Monday, July 6, 2009

2009 Music (So Far)

Since so many of the music websites I look at have done a best-of (so far) for 2009 I thought I should as well. To be fair I don't buy a lot of music and when I do it is usually based on the previous years' best of lists. So this list is probably incomplete.

I've heard a lot of great stuff so far this year, but some of it like Fleet Foxes, Bon Iver, and Blitzen Trapper came out in 2008. So what I offer are the top five albums (released in 2009) that I have listened to. Since I don't work for a music magazine I sadly don't get my music for free so I haven't listened to most of the albums that came out in 2009. Looking over the best of (so far) from the Paste Magazine editors, for example, I haven't heard most of the albums listed. But I guess I can do my best with what I have heard...

Top Five (in no order) - (albums released January-June 2009):

1. Andrew Bird - Noble Beast - Probably is my favorite album of 2009 so far. Every song is great.
2. The Decemberists - Hazards of Love - A love story - Wonderful album
3. Various/Compilation - Dark was the Night - It's a comp so it probably doesn't technically fit the standards for best album, but I can't stop listening to it. Especially The Giant of Illinois (Andrew Bird) and Sleepless (The Decemberists). All the other songs are great as well.
4. Iron and WIne - Around the Well - Not new songs - Mainly B-sides and rarities - Still some great stuff - Especially Dearest Forsaken and The Trapeze Swinger
5. M. Ward - Hold Time - Another good album - Very diverse musically - Deep (spiritual/religious) lyrics

Other Albums I have enjoyed (in no order):

1. The Audreys - When the Flood Comes
2. Anthony and the Johnsons - The Crying Light
3. Blood Bank - Bon Iver
4. Grizzly Bear - Veckatimest

Albums I am looking forward to (in release date order) - (albums releasing July-December 2009)

1. Derek Webb - Stockholm Syndrome - Though the official release date is September 1 beginning tomorrow, July 7, pre-orders are available at Derek Webb's website with immediate digital download...Including the controversial track
2. Magnolia Electric Co. - Josephine - July 21
3. The Monsters of Folk - September 21 - A super group composed of Jim James, M. Ward, Conor Oberst and Mike Mogis. I'm really looking forward to this album.
4. The Avett Brothers - I and Love and You - September 29.

Concerts in 2009.

I was hoping to make it up to Chicago for either the Pitchfork Music Festival or Lollapalooza this year, but that seems doubtful. At this point the most likely show I'll make it to is Andrew Bird and St. Vincent at The Orange Peel (Asheville, NC) on October 9.

My favorites might change by the end of 2009. I'm sure I'll hear more than the four albums I'm looking forward to. If I had to guess Andrew Bird will remain on my best of list. Dark Was the Night I'll take off but put some songs from it on my favorite songs of the year list. I imagine that Monsters of Folk and The Avett Brothers have a good chance of making my year end list as well. If Josephine is anywhere close to as good as Songs:Ohia (2003) it will be on the list as well.

All in all this has been a great year for music so far. It will only be a bonus if it gets better.

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Saturday, June 27, 2009

A few morsels from Henri Nouwen

Keep Trusting God's Call:

"It is not going to be easy to listen to God's call. Your insecurity, your self-doubt, and your great need for affirmation make you lose trust in your inner voice and run away from yourself. But you that that God speaks to you through your inner voice and that you will find job and peace only if you follow it. Yes, your spirit is willing to follow, but your flesh is weak."

Live Patiently with the "Not Yet":

"Where you are most human, most yourself, weakest, there Jesus lives."

Give Your Agenda to God:

"In many ways, you still want to set your own agenda. You act as if you have to choose among many things, which al seem equally important. But you have not fully surrendered yourself to God's guidance. You keep fighting with God over who is in control."

All from The Inner Voice of Love.

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Friday, May 15, 2009

The Choir - Enough to Love

If I could touch with my fumbling hands your scars
If I could know in my rebel mind your heart
If I could see with my lusting eyes your face
If I could taste on my withered tongue sweet grace

Would I trust You near enough
Would I trust You near enough
Would I trust You near enough
Enough to die
Enough to love

If I could hear with two muffled ears your voice
If could find in my troubled life true joy
If I could feel with numb fingers your spirit
If I could drink for my barren soul your tears

Would I trust You near enough
Would I trust You near enough
Enough to die
Enough to die
Enough to love

If I could touch with my trembling hands your scars

Would I trust You near enough
Would I trust You near enough
Would I trust You near enough
Enough to die
Enough to live
Enough to love

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Sunday, May 10, 2009

A Young Woman, Empty Rooms, and Two Doors

I arrived rather unexpectedly, at least to me, and found a rather nice, though completely empty, room. It was well light and the temperature was rather nice; it was, in fact, the kind of place that once could easily imagine spending their time if only there was some furniture and maybe some tea and cookies and books. Curious where I was I began to walk around the room, which since it was empty didn't take long, and as I imagine anyone would do I opened the only door on the far wall.

The next room was virtually the same as the one I had just left - the only way one could distinguish them, besides the location of the door, was that the second room was lined completely with bricks. Hoping I could find some furniture and something warm to drink, and maybe even an owner or caretaker who might be able to tell me where I was and how to get back I decided to try the only door in the second room.

The third room was identical to the first two except for the welcome sight of a young woman standing in the middle of the room. Thinking I had scared her, being a stranger in her house, I began to apologize and introduce myself, but she stopped me. "I have been expecting you." Her voice was one of the purest I had ever heard, but her lips never moved. "How can I help you?"

I was't terribly sure how to answer this question. Though I had lost all desire to leave. "I guess some tea would be nice...And I would also like to know where I am and how I got here." As I said this I noticed that there were two doors behind her. She led me over to the corner to a table, a table I had previously not noticed, and offered me a cup of tea and a shortbread cookie. While I recognized the flavor of the tea and cookie as a taste I was familiar with having every night there was also something different about it that I could not quite figure out. Suddenly my questions seemed meaningless. I did not much care where I was or how I got there.

This feeling did not last long however. As I finished the tea and cookie and began to regain my composure the young woman asked, again without her lips moving, "What are you here?" When I didn't answer, and it became clear to her I had no idea she asked, "Which door would you like to open next?"

At this point I understood that I couldn't stay here forever. But I had no idea how to choose which door was best. I tried to get some hints what was behind each door but she either did not know or was unwilling to tell me. After gazing at the doors and at her for what seemed like hours I asked, "Would you come with me no matter which door I choose." She gazed at me for a moment and said, "Yes, no matter which door you chose I will come with you. I will always be there to comfort you. Choose whichever door you think best. Maybe what is on the other side will be hard, but I will be with you. Maybe it will be easy, and I will be with you. It doesn't matter. Plus, the one who sent me here to meet you already knows which door you are going to open."

I still wasn't terribly clear who this woman was or how I had come to her house, but her presence made me feel better. Suddenly I didn't have any questions. So I reached for the door knob and turned it until I heard the click...with that the door opened and I walked through.

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Saturday, May 9, 2009

Jesus Loves Me this I Know

It has been a long time since I have given any thought to the children's songs I used to sing at church. At almost 30 I guess I assumed I was past them. And with three theology degrees I probably figured their theology wasn't up to the caliber that I needed. Or, maybe I have just been busy. I imagine that it is combination of those and other factors. Many of you may not have listened to them either unless you have children of your own. However, today I was watching some of a documentary and "Jesus Loves Me" played over the opening credits. The song was originally written I believe for a Sunday School teacher to teach a dying boy. And it is much longer than children sing in Sunday School. But if you grew up anywhere near the church you probably remember singing the first verse and the refrain.

"Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong;
They are weak, but He is strong.

Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so."


For an adult, and a theologian, this seems rather trivial. Though it is famously the answer that Karl Barth, the great twentieth century theologian, to the question of the most important thing he has learned.

However, today this part of the song really struck me. Probably because of where I am in life. And probably because even though I enjoy thinking and knowing, I experience the world - in all her truth and beauty - by feeling. So recently when I haven't felt the presence of God and the love of Jesus in my heart I am tempted to believe that God doesn't exist and Jesus doesn't love me. Of course, I know this isn't true so I keep believing. Even though sometimes it is hard.

Here is where the song came in this morning. As I listened I was reminded that it doesn't matter what I feel. It even doesn't matter what theology I have learned about God - about his plans for my life. In this instance it doesn't matter what I know about God being in control of the good and the bad. All that matters is that Jesus loves me - And I know this not because of anything I feel - I know Jesus loves me because the Bible tells me so. Sometimes this is enough.

Reminds me as well of what Nouwen once wrote,

"Our emotional lives move up and down constantly. Sometimes we experience great mood: swings from excitement to depression, from joy to sorrow, from inner harmony to inner chaos. A little event, a word from someone, a disappointment in work, many things can trigger such mood swings. Mostly we have little control over these changes. It seems that they happen to us rather than being created by us.

Thus it is important to know that our emotional life is not the same as our spiritual life. Our spiritual life is the life of the Spirit of God within us. As we feel our emotions shift we must connect our spirits with the Spirit of God and remind ourselves that what we feel is not who we are. We are and remain, whatever our moods, God's beloved children."

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Sunday, April 26, 2009

Murmuring at God's Will

Today in worship we sang "Help My Unbelief." This hymn was written by John Newton, most well-known for "Amazing Grace." Here are the lyrics. The last verse (that I have bolded) particularly struck me today.

I know the Lord is nigh,
And would but cannot pray,
For Satan meets me when I try,
And frights my soul away,
And frights my soul away.

I would but can’t repent,
Though I endeavor oft;
This stony heart can never relent
Till Jesus makes it soft,
Till Jesus makes it soft.

Help my unbelief.
Help my unbelief.
Help my unbelief.
My help must come from Thee.

I would but cannot love,
Though wooed by love divine;
No arguments have power to move
A soul as base as mine.
A soul so base as mine.

I would but cannot rest,
In God’s most holy will;
I know what He appoints is best,
And murmur at it still.
I murmur at it still.


Help my unbelief.
Help my unbelief.
Help my unbelief.
My help must come from Thee.

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