Joy in the Shadows

A Parable (Rough Draft)

2009-10-14T19:36:00.000-05:00

I would love feedback in this if you are willing to give it...

A certain man as he was shopping for Christmas presents one afternoon a few days before Thanksgiving met another man who was poor, sick and had no where to go to spend the holiday. Thinking back to what he had been taught growing up he decided that he would invite the man to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with his family, and if he enjoyed it New Years as well. He invited the man and the man said yes, excited to have been asked and he went away happy.
The other man finished his shopping and returned home to tell his family of the experience and let them know of the guest that would be sharing in their holiday experiences. Everyone was excited and began to prepare for the visit. What should we eat? How can we make this fun for this man? How can we make him feel welcome and make sure he wants to come back next year? And all sorts of other question began to come to mind. Preparations were made and the day was drawing near. They were excited because this was the first time they had a guest that was not a member of their family they had specifically invited, and one for whose visit they had planned.
The man who had been invited was likewise planning and thinking. I wonder what they will think of me? I wonder what they will do? I hope it is alright if I wear these clothes, I do not have anything really nice. He was very excited to be introduced to something he had not experienced in a long time. He remembered back to his childhood and the wonderful time his family had during the holidays, but that was a long time ago and it was a painful memory. For the past Thanksgivings he had eaten the little he could afford at whatever open restaurant he could find. Now he was going to have a real Thanksgiving, and get to eat as much as he wanted. Then Christmas would come and he would get to sing Christmas songs with a family, something he had never had a chance to do. He could not wait.
Finally the day arrived. The family got up early to prepare their house for their guest. They were not sure what he was expecting, and they were not sure if he would be comfortable with the long standing traditions that their family had been doing for years. They knew that he would not be dressed in fine clothes, so they decided to forego the usual dress of khaki pants and sweaters in favor of jeans and sweatshirts. Finally the house was ready and they waited on him to show up.
He arrived dressed in the best clothes he had. As he walked in he did not see what he expected. He thought to himself, “Why aren’t they dressed a little nicer? Why aren’t they dressed like I remember my family dressing when I was a child? Where are the Thanksgiving decorations? And where is the good music that I thought you used to set the mood? Maybe some Thanksgiving traditions have changed. At the very least I bet the food will be the same.” As he thought this the family was thinking to themselves, “He sure is dirty, I wonder why he didn’t clean up a little. I hope we are casual enough to make him feel comfortable. At least we don’t have decorations and music, because those would probably make him really uncomfortable. Let’s hope that he likes the food ok.”
The table was served, and the family and their visitor made their way to the family room where dinner was set out on paper plates and TV trays. The family had considered using their fine china and eating in the more formal living room, but that would probably make their guest uncomfortable. You can probably imagine what the guest was thinking. Then they sat down to eat. And for the next 20 minutes they ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, Coke, chips, and a chocolate chip cookie. “We can eat our full meal when our guest leaves,” they thought. “He probably wouldn’t like this heavy food.” The guest was very confused and thought to himself, “What happened to all the Thanksgiving traditions I am so used too? Where is the food? This isn’t going to nourish me. I thought if I cam hungry I would go away full, but I am still hungry.” With that the visitor dismissed himself and went away confused. The family did invite him back for Christmas however, and he accepted thinking maybe that would be what he was looking for.
When Christmas came the much the same thing happened. He showed up in he best clothes and they were in their sweat suits. There was no manger scene to be found, and even no Christmas tree. There were no gifts either. At this point he began to wonder where all the traditions he had known growing up had gone. The food this time was ham and cheese. No Christmas ham. No potatoes, rolls, or turkey. No fine wine to savor. And all the while the family thought they were doing this man a favor. “Surely he would be uncomfortable if we did things the way we always do.” Christmas ended and the man left dejected. However, he would continue to return thinking this must be the way it is everywhere now. And the family continued to cater to him, even inviting more and more people to join them.
The years passed, and the visitor moved on; he found a better job and was invited to another home to celebrate. At this home he was surprised to find the traditions he grew up with. The family was all dressed in their Christmas sweaters and nice pants. There was beautiful music playing. And the food was rich and filling; there was ham, turkey, beef, rolls, all sorts of vegetables, more desserts than ever, and wine. This is what he remembered; this is where he wanted to be. And for years he celebrated with this family, and in many ways they adopted him as their own. A holiday never passed when he was not seated at the table. He began to invite his friends and more and more people came.
Then one day he met the man who invited him to dinner so many years ago. As they talked he told his first host about the past holidays and the joy he had been experiencing. They parted ways and returned to their houses. The holidays came. The man, like always, went to celebrate a traditional holiday with his new family. The first family who invited him was alone for the first time in years and decided that they would again revive the traditions of their past since their were no visitors, but they all of a sudden realized they had forgotten those traditions, and they reverted to the sweats and the peanut butter and jelly.

Believing in a God you don't want to believe in

2009-08-31T21:26:00.003-05:00

Are there times when you don't want to believe because God doesn't seem to even hear your prayers?
Are there times when you don't have any defense for what you believe?
Are there times when you frankly don't give a shit about God, the church, or the gospel?
Are there times when you think it would be so much easier to reject God and go about your own plans?
Are there times when you feel most distant from God at church?
Are there times when you only go to church because you "have to"?
Are there times when you dread reading your Bible and praying?
Are there times when you would rather people not know you are a Christian?
Are there times when you are certain that it would be so much better not to believe?
Are there times when you don't want to believe but can't bring yourself not to?
Are there times when you can't explain why you believe but you still do?
Are there times when you get through life simply because you believe in a God you don't want to believe in?
Are there times when you realize that maybe this doubt may be a work of grace?

A movie of our life

2009-08-31T18:11:00.002-05:00

From Chris Hedges, Empire of Illusion: The End of Literacy and the Triumph of Spectacle, p. 16:

"We try and see ourselves moving through life as a camera would see us, mindful of how we hold ourselves, how we dress, what we say. We invent movies that play inside our heads. We imagine ourselves the main characters. We imagine how an audience would react to each event in the movie of our life."

My own personal Jesus

2009-08-29T09:34:00.002-05:00

Bryan Stone, Evangelism After Christendom, p. 243:

On the other end of the spectrum, evangelism is oriented entirely toward the end goal of leading persons to "accept Jesus as their personal Savior"—a twentieth-century neologism that has gained almost canonical status within Protestant evangelical churches, is used increasingly within mainline denominations, as has even made its presence felt among Roman Catholics. If the reign of God is mentioned at all in this form of evangelism (and it rarely is), it is the reign of God in one's heart. This "personal relationship with Jesus" is fed and nourished by the narcissism and individualism of Western culture, so that just as I might employ a personal trainer, a personal assistant, or a personal masseuse, I can also enjoy Jesus as my personal Savior. In thus locating the meaning of salvation within the individual and in terms of a private and interior decision aimed typically at otherworldly and eternal consequences, conversion is emptied of the public, visible, and communal allegiances that participation in God's reign demands. What finally matters is not God's reign "on earth as it is in heaven" but God's reign in my heart or in heaven after earth is gone.

You Know How it Goes...

2009-07-27T21:52:00.003-05:00

(I am working on a blog post reflecting on the last 10 years of my life, since graduating from high school. I was reminded of this poem tonight that I wrote about 5 years ago while doing my MDiv. I would probably re-write it if I were to do it again, but I wanted to try and capture a moment from give years ago)

I turned on the TV on that September day
My son had gone for his first job interview
“Ladies and Gentlemen a plane has just crashed…”
You know how it goes...
Why God, Why did my only son have to die?

He came to my door today dressed in his finest clothes
I knew what he would say before I even opened to door
“The Secretary of the Army regrets to inform you…”
You know how it goes...
Why God, Why did my only son have to die?

The phone rang late, I guessed who it was
My son had been out
“We need you to come to downtown…”
You know how it goes...
Why God, Why did my only son have to die?

It has been nine months and the day has finally come
We have been at the hospital for hours
“We’re sorry, but…”
You know how it goes...
Why God, Why did our only son have to die?

He was my beloved Son, and he did nothing wrong
I sent him for you and you rejected him...
But He has risen again…so your son will live again
“It is finished…”
“Father forgive…”
You know how it goes...

Rough Thoughts on the Paradox of Belief

2009-07-25T20:48:00.000-05:00

It's a strange irony in the life of the Christian that when things are going well - when God seems to love us most and seems "most present" that the Christian ignores God the most. In the light of grace God becomes invisible and the Christian, as she believes most in God, becomes an atheist. Put another way - presence leads to absence. However, when the darkness comes - when life is hard, prayers are unanswered, and God does not seem to love us - when God seems most distant if existent at all the Christian pays the most attention to God. In the dark the light again becomes visible. Or, absence becomes presence. So when everything in life is telling the Christian God exists we ignore God. When it seems that the atheists are right and God does not exist the Christian becomes even more a theist.

While some Christians may overcome this paradox and focus on God in the good times and in the bad, most, it seems, vacillate between a positive atheism and a negative theism. Our state of mind, our emotions, and our feelings become the basis for our relationship with God - rather than God Himself and the love He shows in Christ. But it is backwards. Just think of when you pray the most. If you are like me you pray the most when you feel the worst and believe the least. This spiritual manic depression, if you will, would seem to signal a life lived in a shallow relationship to God and to the self. The goal then should be not to let our emotional life overwhelm our spiritual life. When God appears to be smiling on us we need to remember to praise. When he seems to have turned his back, or even disappeared, we must continue to praise him with our broken hallelujahs.

Fear and Idols

2009-07-25T20:46:00.000-05:00

One of the reasons so many Christians do not accomplish great things for God - even more, one of the reasons so many Christians are always questioning whether they are following God's will - is because of fear. We do not fear God, but have devised fears of our own making. We are afraid of failure, of rejection, of not having the approval of those we love and respect, of being alone, of not having enough money. We fear making the wrong choice and having to return to our friends and family and tell them "I failed." We are afraid that when we try again and again we will fail again and again. I wonder if these fears are sinful; not because they are fears, but because in fearing these things we have made idols of others, of our self, of stuff, and in doing so we are turning away from God.

Sadness of a Different Sort

2009-07-13T21:29:00.002-05:00

I wrote this about a year and a half ago and ran across it when reading back through some of my blog tonight. Thought I would repost it.

In The Architecture of Happiness Alain de Botton offers an interesting perspective on the relationship between architecture, philosophy, psychology, ect. In one discussion on how especially beautiful things make us feel he writes...

"The more beautiful something is, the sadder we risk feeling...Our sadness won't be one of the searing kind but more like a blend of joy and melancholy; joy at the perfection we see before us, melancholy at the awareness of how seldom we are sufficiently blessed to encounter anything of its kind. The flawless object throws into perspective the mediocrity that surrounds it. We are reminded of the way we would wish things always to be and of how incomplete our lives remain."

I like this idea of sadness. The idea of a joy mixed with melancholy is illuminating, and it is where I see so many people living, and indeed where I am many days. And I wonder if it is where we will always be until Christ comes to set things right and make things the way they are supposed to be.

2009 Music (So Far)

2009-07-06T21:23:00.003-05:00

Since so many of the music websites I look at have done a best-of (so far) for 2009 I thought I should as well. To be fair I don't buy a lot of music and when I do it is usually based on the previous years' best of lists. So this list is probably incomplete.

I've heard a lot of great stuff so far this year, but some of it like Fleet Foxes, Bon Iver, and Blitzen Trapper came out in 2008. So what I offer are the top five albums (released in 2009) that I have listened to. Since I don't work for a music magazine I sadly don't get my music for free so I haven't listened to most of the albums that came out in 2009. Looking over the best of (so far) from the Paste Magazine editors, for example, I haven't heard most of the albums listed. But I guess I can do my best with what I have heard...

Top Five (in no order) - (albums released January-June 2009):

1. Andrew Bird - Noble Beast - Probably is my favorite album of 2009 so far. Every song is great.
2. The Decemberists - Hazards of Love - A love story - Wonderful album
3. Various/Compilation - Dark was the Night - It's a comp so it probably doesn't technically fit the standards for best album, but I can't stop listening to it. Especially The Giant of Illinois (Andrew Bird) and Sleepless (The Decemberists). All the other songs are great as well.
4. Iron and WIne - Around the Well - Not new songs - Mainly B-sides and rarities - Still some great stuff - Especially Dearest Forsaken and The Trapeze Swinger
5. M. Ward - Hold Time - Another good album - Very diverse musically - Deep (spiritual/religious) lyrics

Other Albums I have enjoyed (in no order):

1. The Audreys - When the Flood Comes
2. Anthony and the Johnsons - The Crying Light
3. Blood Bank - Bon Iver
4. Grizzly Bear - Veckatimest

Albums I am looking forward to (in release date order) - (albums releasing July-December 2009)

1. Derek Webb - Stockholm Syndrome - Though the official release date is September 1 beginning tomorrow, July 7, pre-orders are available at Derek Webb's website with immediate digital download...Including the controversial track
2. Magnolia Electric Co. - Josephine - July 21
3. The Monsters of Folk - September 21 - A super group composed of Jim James, M. Ward, Conor Oberst and Mike Mogis. I'm really looking forward to this album.
4. The Avett Brothers - I and Love and You - September 29.

Concerts in 2009.

I was hoping to make it up to Chicago for either the Pitchfork Music Festival or Lollapalooza this year, but that seems doubtful. At this point the most likely show I'll make it to is Andrew Bird and St. Vincent at The Orange Peel (Asheville, NC) on October 9.

My favorites might change by the end of 2009. I'm sure I'll hear more than the four albums I'm looking forward to. If I had to guess Andrew Bird will remain on my best of list. Dark Was the Night I'll take off but put some songs from it on my favorite songs of the year list. I imagine that Monsters of Folk and The Avett Brothers have a good chance of making my year end list as well. If Josephine is anywhere close to as good as Songs:Ohia (2003) it will be on the list as well.

All in all this has been a great year for music so far. It will only be a bonus if it gets better.

A few morsels from Henri Nouwen

2009-06-27T20:58:00.004-05:00

Keep Trusting God's Call:

"It is not going to be easy to listen to God's call. Your insecurity, your self-doubt, and your great need for affirmation make you lose trust in your inner voice and run away from yourself. But you that that God speaks to you through your inner voice and that you will find job and peace only if you follow it. Yes, your spirit is willing to follow, but your flesh is weak."

Live Patiently with the "Not Yet":

"Where you are most human, most yourself, weakest, there Jesus lives."

Give Your Agenda to God:

"In many ways, you still want to set your own agenda. You act as if you have to choose among many things, which al seem equally important. But you have not fully surrendered yourself to God's guidance. You keep fighting with God over who is in control."

All from The Inner Voice of Love.

The Choir - Enough to Love

2009-05-15T16:39:00.000-05:00

If I could touch with my fumbling hands your scars
If I could know in my rebel mind your heart
If I could see with my lusting eyes your face
If I could taste on my withered tongue sweet grace

Would I trust You near enough
Would I trust You near enough
Would I trust You near enough
Enough to die
Enough to love

If I could hear with two muffled ears your voice
If could find in my troubled life true joy
If I could feel with numb fingers your spirit
If I could drink for my barren soul your tears

Would I trust You near enough
Would I trust You near enough
Enough to die
Enough to die
Enough to love

If I could touch with my trembling hands your scars

Would I trust You near enough
Would I trust You near enough
Would I trust You near enough
Enough to die
Enough to live
Enough to love

A Young Woman, Empty Rooms, and Two Doors

2009-05-10T20:59:00.003-05:00

I arrived rather unexpectedly, at least to me, and found a rather nice, though completely empty, room. It was well light and the temperature was rather nice; it was, in fact, the kind of place that once could easily imagine spending their time if only there was some furniture and maybe some tea and cookies and books. Curious where I was I began to walk around the room, which since it was empty didn't take long, and as I imagine anyone would do I opened the only door on the far wall.

The next room was virtually the same as the one I had just left - the only way one could distinguish them, besides the location of the door, was that the second room was lined completely with bricks. Hoping I could find some furniture and something warm to drink, and maybe even an owner or caretaker who might be able to tell me where I was and how to get back I decided to try the only door in the second room.

The third room was identical to the first two except for the welcome sight of a young woman standing in the middle of the room. Thinking I had scared her, being a stranger in her house, I began to apologize and introduce myself, but she stopped me. "I have been expecting you." Her voice was one of the purest I had ever heard, but her lips never moved. "How can I help you?"

I was't terribly sure how to answer this question. Though I had lost all desire to leave. "I guess some tea would be nice...And I would also like to know where I am and how I got here." As I said this I noticed that there were two doors behind her. She led me over to the corner to a table, a table I had previously not noticed, and offered me a cup of tea and a shortbread cookie. While I recognized the flavor of the tea and cookie as a taste I was familiar with having every night there was also something different about it that I could not quite figure out. Suddenly my questions seemed meaningless. I did not much care where I was or how I got there.

This feeling did not last long however. As I finished the tea and cookie and began to regain my composure the young woman asked, again without her lips moving, "What are you here?" When I didn't answer, and it became clear to her I had no idea she asked, "Which door would you like to open next?"

At this point I understood that I couldn't stay here forever. But I had no idea how to choose which door was best. I tried to get some hints what was behind each door but she either did not know or was unwilling to tell me. After gazing at the doors and at her for what seemed like hours I asked, "Would you come with me no matter which door I choose." She gazed at me for a moment and said, "Yes, no matter which door you chose I will come with you. I will always be there to comfort you. Choose whichever door you think best. Maybe what is on the other side will be hard, but I will be with you. Maybe it will be easy, and I will be with you. It doesn't matter. Plus, the one who sent me here to meet you already knows which door you are going to open."

I still wasn't terribly clear who this woman was or how I had come to her house, but her presence made me feel better. Suddenly I didn't have any questions. So I reached for the door knob and turned it until I heard the click...with that the door opened and I walked through.

Jesus Loves Me this I Know

2009-05-09T13:53:00.003-05:00

It has been a long time since I have given any thought to the children's songs I used to sing at church. At almost 30 I guess I assumed I was past them. And with three theology degrees I probably figured their theology wasn't up to the caliber that I needed. Or, maybe I have just been busy. I imagine that it is combination of those and other factors. Many of you may not have listened to them either unless you have children of your own. However, today I was watching some of a documentary and "Jesus Loves Me" played over the opening credits. The song was originally written I believe for a Sunday School teacher to teach a dying boy. And it is much longer than children sing in Sunday School. But if you grew up anywhere near the church you probably remember singing the first verse and the refrain.

"Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong;
They are weak, but He is strong.

Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so."

For an adult, and a theologian, this seems rather trivial. Though it is famously the answer that Karl Barth, the great twentieth century theologian, to the question of the most important thing he has learned.

However, today this part of the song really struck me. Probably because of where I am in life. And probably because even though I enjoy thinking and knowing, I experience the world - in all her truth and beauty - by feeling. So recently when I haven't felt the presence of God and the love of Jesus in my heart I am tempted to believe that God doesn't exist and Jesus doesn't love me. Of course, I know this isn't true so I keep believing. Even though sometimes it is hard.

Here is where the song came in this morning. As I listened I was reminded that it doesn't matter what I feel. It even doesn't matter what theology I have learned about God - about his plans for my life. In this instance it doesn't matter what I know about God being in control of the good and the bad. All that matters is that Jesus loves me - And I know this not because of anything I feel - I know Jesus loves me because the Bible tells me so. Sometimes this is enough.

Reminds me as well of what Nouwen once wrote,

"Our emotional lives move up and down constantly. Sometimes we experience great mood: swings from excitement to depression, from joy to sorrow, from inner harmony to inner chaos. A little event, a word from someone, a disappointment in work, many things can trigger such mood swings. Mostly we have little control over these changes. It seems that they happen to us rather than being created by us.

Thus it is important to know that our emotional life is not the same as our spiritual life. Our spiritual life is the life of the Spirit of God within us. As we feel our emotions shift we must connect our spirits with the Spirit of God and remind ourselves that what we feel is not who we are. We are and remain, whatever our moods, God's beloved children."

Murmuring at God's Will

2009-04-26T20:57:00.002-05:00

Today in worship we sang "Help My Unbelief." This hymn was written by John Newton, most well-known for "Amazing Grace." Here are the lyrics. The last verse (that I have bolded) particularly struck me today.

I know the Lord is nigh,
And would but cannot pray,
For Satan meets me when I try,
And frights my soul away,
And frights my soul away.

I would but can’t repent,
Though I endeavor oft;
This stony heart can never relent
Till Jesus makes it soft,
Till Jesus makes it soft.

Help my unbelief.
Help my unbelief.
Help my unbelief.
My help must come from Thee.

I would but cannot love,
Though wooed by love divine;
No arguments have power to move
A soul as base as mine.
A soul so base as mine.

I would but cannot rest,
In God’s most holy will;
I know what He appoints is best,
And murmur at it still.
I murmur at it still.

Help my unbelief.
Help my unbelief.
Help my unbelief.
My help must come from Thee.

Just some Questions

2009-04-26T20:43:00.004-05:00

I have been thinking about some of these questions recently...

1. Why is the automatic assumption that socialism is bad and capitalism is good?
2. Why are our government and those of our allies called administration while the rest of the governments with which we disagree are called regimes?
3. Why can the United States and her allies have nuclear weapons, but other counties cannot?
4. Why do so many Christians support torture?
5. Why am I looked at funny for not voting, but not for skipping church?
6. Why do conservatives think abortion is murder but not capital punishment and war?
7. Why do liberals think capital punishment and war are murder but not abortion?
8. Why is the same war bad when waged by one president but necessary when waged by another?
9. Why do so many Christians seem to talk as if God has control over everything but politics?
10. Why is it offensive in the prayers of the people to ask God to give us the courage to give up war?

I of course have more but those are enough for now...

Prayer (1) - George Herbert

2009-04-21T20:55:00.000-05:00

PRAYER the Churches banquet, Angels age,
Gods breath in man returning to his birth,
The soul in paraphrase, heart in pilgrimage,
The Christian plummet sounding heav’n and earth ;

Engine against th’ Almightie, sinner's towre,
Reversed thunder, Christ-side-piercing spear,
The six daies world-transposing in an houre,
A kinde of tune, which all things heare and fear ;

Softnesse, and peace, and joy, and love, and blisse,
Exalted Manna, gladnesse of the best,
Heaven in ordinarie, man well drest,
The milkie way, the bird of Paradise,

Church-bels beyond the stars heard, the souls bloud,
The land of spices, something understood.

Pulling Against the Leash

2009-04-16T19:07:00.001-05:00

(I posted this a couple years ago and thought it would be appropriate to post again. The only difference is now instead of sitting down and pulling against the leash I feel as though I am running away and by the grace of God the leash is holding me back)

If you have ever had a dog you have experienced times when she pulls against the leash. You want to take her on a walk, but she digs her feet in and won't move - she tries to pull backwards, even to the point of sitting down. As I was praying tonight God put this picture in my head. I'm not sure yet how I am supposed to interpret it. But I started thinking about why the dog pulls like this - well, it's because their owner is trying to take them somewhere they don't want to go.

Why don't they want to go? Because they are stubborn - and they are comfortable where they are - the feel safe at home. And they don't trust us. We want to take them on a walk or to the vet because these things are good for them, or we want to take them to the park, a place we know they would love maybe even more than where they are now, but they just don't know it.

I think we are often like this with God - he wants to lead us somewhere and we dig our feet in and pull against the leash.

Christos Aneste! Alethos Aneste!

2009-04-12T01:52:00.001-05:00

(Repost from last Easter) - CHRIST IS RISEN!!

Christ Jesus our Lord, our Savior, our Redeemer, has Risen from the dead - just as he promised!!!!

The darkness and silence of the tomb could not hold him. Darkness cannot hold us.
The darkness and despair of Holy Saturday was not the end of the story. It is not our story.
The loneliness and abandonment his followers felt was unfounded. We are not alone.

For the tomb is empty - Jesus is no longer there - He has risen from the dead. Alleluia!! Alleluia!!

Easter Sunday has finally come. Lent and Holy Tridium are over - Praise be to God. Our Savior is ALIVE. Light has returned.

We waited patiently, though anxiously, in the dark of the night. But light and joy break with the morning. Jesus has defeated sin, suffering, and Satan. Evil is vanquished. Jesus has won.

We sent our problems, our difficulties, our worries, our sorrow, our despair, and our sin to the cross on Friday. Jesus took them on himself as he died. They went with him to the tomb on Saturday. But today he has left them there. We are free. We can have joy. We can set all our hopes and dreams on the risen Christ.

We can now have new life. May we all now live in the joy of the Resurrection. Sunday has indeed come for all of us. A true Sunday. The darkness of Holy Saturday and Lent is behind us. The new day is here. May we believe it, and experience it, radically today and every day. Praise be to God. Thanks be to God. Praise be to God. He is risen…He is risen indeed, Alleluia…

JESUS HAS RISEN FROM THE DEAD!! ALLELUIA!! ALLELUIA!!

The Night Before Easter

2009-04-11T15:22:00.001-05:00

(I wrote this last year on Maundy Thursday. As I reflect on Lent and Holy Week on this Holy Saturday I thought it would be good to post and edited version of it since I am still in many ways here)

The feet have been washed. The bread and the wine have been eaten. Jesus has been taken away…On Friday the church remembered the crucifixion of Jesus. For a while I have wondered if sometimes we fail to really grasp the meaning of Good Friday. We know the end of the story. We know that even as we remember the death of Jesus in just a few days we will gather to celebrate his resurrection. However, over the past few years I have tried, on Good Friday, and this year more so, to put myself in the place of Jesus’ followers. If you do that it drastically changes your perspective.

How would you respond to the death of Jesus if you did not know he rose again? How would you feel if your leader and friend, one that you followed around for three years - you saw him heal the sick and raise the dead - you heard him teach. You watched him challenge the Pharisees, Herod, and Pilate - you heard Peter confess, “You are the Christ, the Son of God…” - you experienced his love - a love such that you have never felt before - you thought he was the new Messiah, the new King - how would you feel if you saw him die? He is dead and buried...and you have fled with the others…

You thought you could have faith in Jesus, but now it seems he has failed you…

Can we even begin to place ourselves in this situation? Can we even now begin to experience the darkness of Friday? Is it really “good” if you know only Friday, and do not, at the same time, know Sunday? Do we, even though we have “Sunday” really know Sunday? Or are our lives stuck in a perpetual Lent…A Lent waiting on the joy of Sunday?

The preacher says, “Friday’s here…but Sunday’s coming…” Maybe Sunday is coming soon, and maybe for some people it has already come, and of course tomorrow we will celebrate Easter and the Resurrection, but now we feel stuck on Friday, or even more trapped in Saturday.

Today we have remembered Holy Saturday. The dark day of the Christian year - a day of silence and mourning. A full day without the presence of Jesus. A day of darkness and despair. A day when the death of Jesus has finally become real. A day when God seems absent.

But the feelings of Holy Saturday are feelings that many experience for most of their lives. They are feelings many will return too after Easter Sunday. They are, after all, the feelings of this life.

For many “Saturday” is where we live most of our lives. We remember the resurrection, and even on Sunday will joyfully sing, “Christ the Lord has risen today, Alleluia…” But it probably won’t change anything. In many ways, it doesn’t seem true for us. We try, and sneak into the joy of Sunday, but something keeps pulling us back to Saturday. Our Alleluia is cold and it is broken. It is a Alleluia that hopes, not a Alleluia that believes.

In Real Presences, the literary critic George Steiner writes of this broken Hallelujah, of this hope and this longing, of this life lived in some sort of sorrow…It is “a long day’s journey of the Saturday. Between suffering, aloneness, unutterable waste on the one hand and the dream of liberation, or rebirth on the other.”

Saturday is the in-between day. A day when Jesus is gone and buried, but has yet to rise again. The day when the disciples thought it was hopeless, that it was over. It is a day where it almost seems that again he has failed us. He has left us singing a broken song at an empty cross to a dead, and failed, god, and not a joyful anthem at an empty tomb to a risen Savior.

But even in the darkness of our Saturday, a small light shines forth from afar…Though it is small it is a light of joy…A light of hopes fulfilled…A light that will make our Hallelujah one that believes…It is the light of Sunday. However far away it may be we are able to glimpse it. It is a light we are drawn too. A light that keeps us going, and makes everything meaningful. That shines through despair and sorrow to joy. A light that keeps us going as we wait for our time to smile.

Maybe Sunday will not be “Sunday” for us. Maybe Easter will only be a small glimmer of light. Maybe this year all Easter will do is rekindle the hope that Saturday is trying to kill. It will give us the strength to go on for a little bit longer. But maybe that is all that we need in order to continue singing, even if the song is cold and broken. Because even broken praises are beautiful to the ears of a God that loves us. And even in silence we can know that.

A good song for Lent

2009-02-26T15:02:00.001-06:00

He Ever Loves Us
Written by Alex Mejias
CD: High Street Hymns (Download it from Amazon here)

He ever loves us in our brokenness
Weeps for every grief we face
Intercedes for us without ceasing
And bids us to receive His grace
And bids us to receive His grace
His love protects us through the dark night
Never leaves us in our pain
Shelters us with His presence
In weakness, He perfects His strength
He ever loves us in our brokenness
In the cross he hides our shame
Forsaken by the Father
He died for us, He took our place

My Valentine's Day post

2009-02-14T12:44:00.001-06:00

Last year I wrote a longer post on Valentine's Day. I was reading it again last night and many of the feelings I expressed I still feel. In most ways I am still in that same place I was last February. If you missed it here it is (typos and all).

This year I simply post a quote I have been thinking about recently. This is describing the sort of love I think everyone is seeking.

"What really counts in life is that at some moment you have seen something, felt something which is so great, so matchless, that everything else is nothing by comparison, that even if you forgot everything you would never forget this."

St Augustine on God

2009-02-14T12:36:00.001-06:00

“What are you then, my God – what, but the Lord God? For who is Lord but the Lord? Or who is God save our God? Must high, most excellent, most powerful, most almighty, most merciful, and most just; most hidden, yet most present; most beautiful, and most strong; stable, yet mysterious; unchangeable, yet changing all things; never new, never old; making all things new and bringing age upon the proud, though they know it not; ever working, yet ever at rest; still gathering, yet lacking nothing; sustaining, filling and protecting; creating, nourishing, and maturing; seeking, yet possessing all things. You love without passion; you are jealous without anxiety; you repent, yet have no sorrow; you are angry, yet serene; change your ways, your are plans are unchanged; recover what you find, having never lost it; never in need, yet rejoicing in gain; never covetous, yet requiring interest. You receive over and above, that you may owe—yet you have anything that is not yours? You pay debts, owing nothing; remit debits, losing nothing. And what have I now said, my God, my life, my holy joy—what is this I have said?”

Waiting on God

2009-02-13T16:53:00.001-06:00

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)

Be present, O merciful God, and protect us through the hours
of this night, so that we who are wearied by the changes and
chances of this life may rest in your eternal changelessness;
through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. (Book of Common Prayer)

Keep us, O Lord,
while we tarry on this earth,
in a serious seeking after you
and in an affectionate walking with you,
every day of our lives;
that when you come
we may not be found hiding our talent,
nor serving the flesh,
nor yet asleep with our lamp unfurnished,
but waiting and longing for our Lord,
our glorious God for ever. Amen. (Celebrating Common Prayer)

He has made my teeth grind on gravel, and made me cower in ashes; my soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is; so I say, "Gone is my glory, and all that I had hoped for from the LORD." The thought of my affliction and my homelessness is wormwood and gall! My soul continually thinks of it and is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul that seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. It is good for one to bear the yoke in youth, to sit alone in silence when the Lord has imposed it, to put one's mouth to the dust (there may yet be hope), to give one's cheek to the smiter, and be filled with insults. For the Lord will not reject forever. Although he causes grief, he will have compassion according to the abundance of his steadfast love; for he does not willingly afflict or grieve anyone. (Lamentations 3:16-31)

The Wound

2009-01-18T05:46:00.001-06:00

"Transformation has to do with the way the walls separating us from others and from our deepest self begin to disappear. Between all of us fragile human beings stand walls built on loneliness and the absence of God, walls built on fear - fear that becomes depression or a compulsion to prove that we are special"

-Jean Vanier, "The Fragility of L'Arche and the Friendship of God."

"We all carry a deep wound - the wound of our loneliness. That is why we find it hard to be along, and we try to heal our aloneness by joining a community. But to belong for the sake of beloning cannot help but lead to disappointment. We must realize, as Jean [Vanier] says, that 'this wound is inherent in the human condition and that what we have to do is walk with it instead of fleeing from it. We cannot accept it until we discover that we are loved by God just as we are, and that the Holy Spirit, in a mysterious way, is living at the centre of the would.'"

-Stanley Hauerwas, "The Politics of Gentleness."

Hauerwas, Stanley and Jean Vanier. Living Gently in a Violent World: The Prophetic Witness of Weakness (Resources for Reconciliation; Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press, 2008).

Christians, War, and the Nation-State

2009-01-11T23:04:00.001-06:00

The flag is the motivation and reminder of war. “The flag is primarily the banner of war; it is allied with patriotic anthem and holiday. It recalls old martial memories. A nation’s patriotic history is solely the history of its wars, that is, of the State in its health and glorious functioning.” The flag then is more than a piece of cloth. The flag is sacred – the flag is sacramental – the flag is, in a sense, an icon that opens up the believer in the nation-state and its civil religion to a wider world. The flag then is akin to the crucifix. Like the cross for Christians the flag is the symbol of the nation-state that exerts an influence over men and women, both their bodies and their emotions, and thus their imaginations. The most important activity that the flag represents, the activity which citizens remember when they gaze upon the flag, and the activity that most organizes the killing energy under the flag, is war. For many people, especially today, war occupies their imagination. Most cannot imagine a world without war, or at least without the possibility of, or potential for, war.

In the early church soldiers returning from war would often be excluded from the Eucharist for a year. More recently however Christians enlist, in larger numbers than most other groups, without a second thought in the armed forces. Many Christians fought in both World Wars, and continue to fight in the wars that persist in the modern era. If one does not fight in the war she is at least expected to support the troops and the war effort. In the past, and indeed for some today, loyalty to the Body of Christ trumps other loyalties to country. However, it seems one is ostracized from the evangelical church if she refuses to support the war effort of the United States and its allies.

There will of course be those who continue to question the nation during the time of war. Those who do not become part of “the one.” Those who are not patriots, who are not loyal, who do not adopt “war orthodoxy.” Bourne shows that the State operated as a quasi-religious institution in opposition to the church. He writes, “the triumphant orthodoxy of the State is shown at its apex perhaps when Christian preachers lose their pulpits for taking in more or less literal terms the Sermon on the Mount, and Christian zealots are sent to prison for twenty years for distributing tracts which argue that war is unscriptural.”

But war is however unavoidable if a State is to accomplish its purposes. In a famous and essential essay on the State, written in 1918, Rudolph Bourne, made the now famous claim that “war is the health of the state.” Many people, in times of peace, are either indifferent or hostile to the Government. However, when war finally begins that indifference is thrown off and memories of the greatness of the State are revived. In war “patriotism becomes the dominant feeling” of all, or at least the majority of, citizens in the State.” Bourne continues, “War…seems to achieve for a nation almost all that the most inflamed political idealist could desire. Citizens are no longer indifferent to their Government, but each cell of the body politic is brimming with life and activity.” Citizens also come to develop deep bonds with one another and with the State. “The purpose and desire of the collective community live in each person who throws himself wholeheartedly into the cause of war. The impending distinction between society and the individual is almost blotted out. At war, the individual becomes almost identical with his society.”

War too forms the nation out of the bodies of the dead. Marvin and Ingle write, “Death secures freedom. To die for the group is to give one’s flesh and bone to reconstituting it. Dying is the primitive process that creates the social body.” The blood of the soldiers then is the seed of the nation-state.